Anxietyย 

Serious story time! And by serious, I mean like, put down your crown and maybe just pet your puppy because it’s about to get kinda sad.๐Ÿ˜ฌ I’ll just apologize ahead of time for the depth of melancholy I’m about to explain to you. 

So I’ve been sick with Lyme disease suspectedly (yes I made suspectedly a word) since I was young, like maybe 5 or 6 years old. And with being sick all the time comes with amazing benefits such as anxiety, depression, etc. And I say that last line as sarcastically as I can because in all reality it’s awful to be sick all the time and get the added bonus of getting anxiety and depression. 
I have been dealing with anxiety practically my whole life, which is really crazy when I think about it because you can’t imagine a four year old getting anxiety, but really that was the age it all started for me. I lost a loved one at the age of three, the day before my fourth birthday. I was there as I watched death do it’s work in front of my eyes. As a four year old, you don’t know how to explain the experience of watching death, so for me I enternalized my emotions of the traumatic event. I kept those emotions internalized until I was nearly eight years old as I watched death take hold of another loved one. It was hard, I was still only a kid yet I knew death so well already. I never really understood it, or how God and heaven worked, death was just like this ambiguous figure that kept taking people I loved.

 My anxiety didn’t really begin to surface though until I was asked to constantly describe and relive those moments where I watched death take hold of my loved ones. I started counseling when I was eight, and though I will always love and adore the woman who was my counselor, she only scratched the surface of my death experiences. Sometimes people think the only way to get over the problem or the fear is to talk it out, for me that wasn’t really the case. Constantly having to describe the times I saw death take hold of those I loved got exhausting emotionally. Living it once was more than enough, I watch the memories flash through my head too many times to count, why make me explain them aloud? It was so much for my little eight year old mind. It became so bad that I began getting anxiety attacks in school. I didn’t even want to leave my room, my parents would have to bribe me to go to school. So now the majority of my memories from second grade are of constantly being in the nurses office hyperventilating and having breakdowns. Well, I do have some fond memories of playing with my little ponies at rescess, but I can get into the fun my little pony details another time.๐Ÿ˜‰ 

Anxiety is a difficult connotation. Describing what it’s like, is like describing colors to a blind person, nearly impossible. Everyone experiences anxiety differently. For me, my anxiety is like my shadow. It may not always be seen but it’s apart of me and follows me wherever I go. Anything can set off a panic attack, and the hardest part is trying to keep the pain  and fear from surfacing within my eyes and having a complete breakdown in front of my friends or family. I will over analyze quite a lot. Such as, what people say, my actions, a school test, or even the silly little things like how someone is looking at me. It can be a terrible shadow to have following you around, as it whispers little lies and nothings into your ears. It is exhausting.

It is sadly true that even princesses can have their dark shadows full of fear and doubt. 

For me, all I can do is polish my crown and place it high on my head once more and carry on with my head high as best as I can manage. Ive come to realize that not all days are going to be good. Some days are going to be filled with more fear and anxiety than some, and though that takes a lot of getting used to, it’s okay that this happens. There will be happy days and bad days, days that make you cry, and days that make you double over in laughter. There will always be good and bad. And that’s ok. It’s learning to find the good in the bad and balancing it.  

My anxiety will always be around, so it’s learning to tame the beast. It can be exhausting, and depressing but I know I will come out a stronger and better girl because of it. Having anxiety can be like running a marathon, tough and extremely tiring, but in the end you will become stronger than you ever thought you cold be because you endured the hard ships with such grace. 

Sometimes you have to take care of your self and not care about what other people may think about you being sick all the time. This can be a hard pill to swallow, it was for me because all I want is to be there and help people all the time in whatever way I can, but how can I do that when I’m constantly fighting my sickness? I know I have to realize that I’m not always going to be able to be there for everyone, as much as I want to, because I have to take care of myself too and win my battle. 

Because I know I can make it through any battle. 

And so can you. 

You can conquer any battle you warrior princess or prince! You are strong. More strong than you give yourself credit for. 

So keep conquering those battles, keep wining those wars, keep slaying your dragon, and keep that crown held high on your head. You are beautiful and lovely. 

Love Always,

Princess Affliction 

๐Ÿ’–A Little More About Me๐Ÿ’–

So if all you amazing princesses and princes aren’t tired of me yet, I would like to share a little bit more about my self! Cue the introduction to my weird quirks and crazy habits, along with my funny obsessions and silly traits. Grab those crowns of yours, cause it’s story time once again!

So I’m a 16 year old princess, and if you haven’t read my WHO IS PRINCESS AFFLICTION page I’ll just tell you now that sadly I’m not a real princess. I know, shocking right? Believe me though, if I could have one wish, it would be to become a legitimate princess, or maybe even a Disney princess. They’re pretty spectacular. But getting back onto my weird quirks, because let’s face it, we all have that funny little thing we have or do. One of my odd things, is my deep love and desire for deserts, but not just any desert, I absolutely love chocolate cake. Like adore it. I know, I know, silly huh? But I promise you this, there’s a lot more to me than a deep love for cake and fighting chronic pain and if you are still sticking around and reading this, I would like to tell you a little bit more about me. ๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–

I am a girl who loves and adores God. In my 16 years of life, I have been through quite a bit, and God has been with me through it all. There have been a good many trials in my life, like we all face in our lives, and I have found that no matter how hard life becomes to handle or even if I am completely falling apart, I know God is with me because he loves me and knew my name even when I was just a star under his sky. And a God who can love you so deeply before you are even in existence is a God worth fighting for and loving in return.

So now that I told you the important things like my deep love for God and my deep love for chocolate cake, I’ll tell you some more silly little things about me!

I absolutely adore dogs, puppies to be exact, but really I would take ANY dog. My favorite right now is a Maltipoo. Seriously, google it! They are the cutest.

The days I am feeling good, when the migraine isn’t keeping me in bed, I like to walk around my small town. But it’s not really walking, I mostly skip or balance on the curb like I’m a gymnast on the beam!

I am the WORST at math, anyone could tell you that. But where I lack in math I make up in art. I love performing arts and plan to major with that in college along with minor in writing. I was a competitive dancer before illness took over my life. I loved to dance, but I felt God was telling me to find a new passion, so now the arts I do are drawing, acting, writing, and singing.

The ocean is one of my favorite things about the earth, along with the sunset. The amazing and strong waves of the sea always captivate me and the vibrant colors of the sunset always dazzle me.

I love light houses. I really love anything vintage and antique, but lighthouses are an amazing lost vintage pastime.

Snap dragons are my favorite flower, with cherry blossoms as a second, then yellow daisy’s and lilacs. I think flowers are the coolest things, I love their vibrant colors and amazing smell. I feel like we are truly blessed to have such beautiful things on earth.

I always try to look on the bright side. I have been really sick the last couple of days, to the point where I couldn’t leave my bed, but to me, if I look on the bright side, I may be in bed unable to move but at least then I get time to talk to all of you amazing princesses and princes! life will always try and knock you down. So you look at the positive, pick your self up, dust off your crown, and carry on.

I love old movies! Especially Singin’ In The Rain. But I also love any movies with Audrey Hepburn or Grace Kelly, those two were queens.

The rain is my favorite, but thunder and lightning scare me.

I hate bananas. Ew. Sorry banana lovers.

Disney has ran in my blood since I was born I’m sure, going back to wishing I was a disney princess. I hope to go to college on the west coast, close to Anaheim just to hopefully work at Disney Land.

I love turtles. They’re so cool!

I am a definite daydreamer.

I believe in love and kindness, even to those who don’t give it to you in return.

I love to cuddle with stuffed animals. I just love stuffed animals in general. I have a life sized stuffed teddy bear named Christmas that I cuddle with when I’m sad.

I have a love for Italian food, but I have German ancestry… I don’t like really any German food my family makes.

I believe in family and the importance of sticking together.

I know everyone has strength and love inside their heart, even if they feel as if they don’t. They could have just lost it along the road of life. All it takes is to rediscover what makes you strong, and pursue what you love. Everyone holds strength within themselves, but love makes the path clear.

This is just a little bit more about me. I know this is only a small portion of all the silly quirks and crazy habits I have, but I hope you’re enjoying getting to know me little by little as I am enjoying getting to know all of you and your epic battle stories.

I am fighting a battle but the only thing that this battle will change about me is the love I have for God, and the love I have for all of you. Battles can either break you or make you into something beautiful, it’s all in how you choose to fight. So please, keep fighting my brave warrior princesses and princes. You are all beautiful and strong.

Love,

Princess Affliction

๐Ÿ’–Beginning Princess Affliction๐Ÿ’–

Okay, so I have to tell you, I’m so excited to get this blog and my social media pages up for Princess Affliction! Let me just tell you a little story. So before I begin, get that nice warm cup of tea, a cozy blanket, your best tiara, and maybe even a cute teddy bear to cuddle with while I explain just how much Princess Affliction means to me, and how much ALL of you mean to me!๐Ÿ’–  (I’ll just give ya a heads up, this story is a long one… Sorry๐Ÿ˜…)

I have wanted to start this blog for a while, almost a year if we’re getting into specifics. I first got the idea for Princess Affliction back in April of 2015, as I was dealing with excruciating CRPS pain that went active after a laberal tear in my hip. The CRPS pain was even worse than when I was first diagnosed with it in 2009 when I broke my wrist. There were days where I couldn’t leave my bed because the pain in my hip was so bad. While laying there, looking at my turquoise colored walls, I wondered how many people experience the same pain I do, even if it’s not CRPS like I have, but other chronic pain conditions and illnesses that make it hard to even be your self. That’s when I decided I wanted to start a blog. I know there are so many people out there who experience chronic pain and illnesses that make it hard to be yourself and have a life other than laying in bed and watching Disney movies. (Though I do really love watching Disney movies and recommend them to seriously EVERYONE.) I want to tell everyone out there fighting the battle of chronic pain and illness that there IS hope. Now, you maybe wondering why I didn’t start Princess Affliction when I had the idea. Well, it was rough for me. My CRPS got worse, and I visited countless chronic pain clinics at Children’s Hospitals to help the pain. The pain got so bad that I lost hope in ever being the pain free, happy girl I was before. Sadly, I got totally distracted from achieving my goals of beginning Princess Affliction. Then, I began to turn the corner. A chronic pain doctor from Children’s put me on a Clonodine medicine patch to manage the pain, and miraculously the pain began to decrease. I remember being so happy that I cried. I made it to school for 3 moths being the happy girl I remember, I was pain free. Then the day of December 3rd came, and a migraine like I have never had before arose. I was unable to leave my bed for 3 days before my mom decided we needed to go into the ER. In the past, when I would get terrible migraines, an ER visit would help completely take the pain away and keep it away for a good month or so, but when I went in this time, the IV cocktail they gave me brought the head pain from a 10 to a 4. I didn’t care then that it was only a 4, I was just so relieved to not be in excruciating pain. It wasn’t until the next day the monstrous pain returned and I was back up to a pain level of 8. This began the endless and tiring cycle of going from neurologist after neurologist, and being in the ER 1-2 times a week, just to figure out why it wasn’t going away. So many doctors believed it all to be a psychological problem because they couldn’t understand why the pain wouldn’t go away. It was six months later, after sending in a hair analysis to a local neuropathic doctor near I live, that I was diagnosed with Lymes Disease. Getting this diagnoses really helped me know that I wanted to start Princess Affliction, because I have come to realize over this 2 year journey that there are so many people out there with chronic pain and illnesses that deserved to be heard and supported. Sometimes it’s hard to fight this battle, so what better way to fight the battle not just with people by your side, but with Princesses and prince’s by your side who all understand the hardship of the fight.

Thank you for reading this forever long blog post, it means so much to me that you are willing to read my story, because all I wish for is that you will be supported by the amazing princesses and prince’s in this community and in return support me.

And one last thing! I know it’s hard to imagine being pain free when some days you can’t even leave your bed- because trust me, I know what it’s like to feel hopeless and that the pain will never end- but there is joy in tomorrow. I promise. So keep fighting my princesses and princes. This pain and illness is not who you are, it’s making you a stronger version of you.

๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–๐Ÿ’–

Love,

Princess Affliction

First blog post

I’m Princess Affliction! *imagine me shaking your hand or giving you a hug because I would totally do that except…well… I can’t sadly.* I am a princess with a battle to conquer! I know all of you are amazing princesses and prince’s that fight battles too, so that’s why I made this blog, to applaude everyone out there! Even if you aren’t fighting a battle, you definitely deserve some love too. You can read all about me and my story in the WHO AM I? Menu. I hope you will stick around, because life is one crazy roller coaster and what better way to ride the roller coaster of life with all the princes and princesses out there?!

Love,

Princess Affliction